the misty lowland

I'm not going to lie, things have felt rough lately. Words like disconnected, confused, apathetic, weary, come to mind. Parenting has been especially challenging and this challenge really hasn't been the best thing to ever happen to my marriage. And I'm sad about my parents' divorce and all its terrible consequences. I feel lonely and a little trapped and a little scared. And in the midst of it all God feels, well, distant...hundreds of miles away distant. And I just can't muster up the strength, the desire to do anything about it. Then I think that He's God...can't He do something? Will He? I don't know. All I do know is that I want to want Him. I want to desire Him again and trust and believe. But today all I can do is read this prayer and hope that it enough:

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one; come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. (A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God)