year of pleasure

I have been a stay-at-home-mom for over six years now. And it has been a true gift to be able to spend so much precious (precious!) time with my girls. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But there has been, shall we say, a real sense of predictably to it all. Schedules have been maintained around the clock, meals and snacks have been prepared religiously, timeouts have been given. And then there are the playdates, storytimes, doctor's visits, trips to the park...all scheduled to semi-perfection (which means we are back home for naptime and/or bedtime). It is easy for one's self to get a little lost by all the demands. It is easy for one's self to get overshadowed by all the joys and the laughter and the picture snapping and the memory-keeping as time just goes so, so fast and they change so rapidly.

I entered into this new year hoping to recapture pleasure. I realized that I had forgotten what I really enjoyed doing before I had children. Of course, I do "remember" those things, but I do not live as if I do. It has been too easy to just go to bed early, use the free time for ballet lessons or swimming lessons, or turn on the TV. But this isn't living with pleasure and I do believe that if I invest in a few small, do-able things that bring me (just me) joy, then I will be teaching my daughter's more valuable lessons than either dance or swimming can provide.

All this sounded good, maybe even great, and I was just beginning to think it may even be possible now that the girls are a bit older. And then Justin announced he'd signed me up for a beginning pottery class. I have always wanted to take a pottery class and here was a perfect opportunity to fulfill this dream. But it's three hours in the evening! And it's once a week for six weeks! And it's a class - do you have any idea how long it has been since I have taken a class? And what if I'm annoyed by my classmates (meaning they are young, hip and cool)? And what if I suck at it? And what if Justin's fantasy of acting out the pottery scene in Ghost doesn't come to fruition? What then, I ask? What then?

The pottery class was harder to say yes to than I would have ever envisioned. I think this was, in part, because I am always caring for and tending to everyone else in my family...and there is always so much to do. But a lot of it can wait, at least for one day. It is also good for my family to see, not only that they can survive without me, but that I value my time, my gifts, my dreams. And to show my daughter's that not only do they love me, but I love me too.