my own private idaho (part 2 of 3)

We spent the second part of our week in Idaho with Justin's family. We enjoyed our time hanging out with Justin's parents and especially introducing Lily to Justin's brothers, Dirk and Bradlee (she adored them). And regardless of how much time has passed, Amelia immediately remembers and embraces her uncles. They definitely have a way with her and I know the love she has for her Daddy spills over to his brothers. We also had a big party with some of our favorite people - Justin's cousins. It is always so great to connect with them and hear stories of the past (especially camping trips) and watch all our kids play together.

During our short stay we also did a couple of surprise visits: one to our "old" youth pastors, Chard and Carrie, and one to a longtime friend I went to high school with, Stacey. I loved seeing the looks on their faces as they came to the door and saw me: surprise! And it was great to reconnect with them face to face and hear all that is happening in their lives.

Lastly, I made the difficult journey to two cemeteries to visit the graves of my grandparents. I had not done this since my grandmother's were buried two years ago. How surreal it was standing there seeing both their names etched in cement, firmly planted above the caskets, containing what was left of their earthly bodies. We in America like to hide our cemeteries. We intentionally put them in hard-to-see places, we don't want to be reminded of the fragility of life, the end that is waiting for all of us. Standing there in the quiet I thought about death and I thought about life. Specifically my grandparent's lives. So many stories, countless experiences, immeasurable conversations, loving, losing, living, dying...and all of it ended with a gravestone. I know it doesn't really all end there, but I felt the fleetingness of it all. And I mourned the fact that my daughters will not know my grandparents here on this earth and that I will never see them again here. It felt heavy and very, very sad. I do so miss them. Justin said there should be some sort of book with pictures attached to their gravestone so that others can know who they were and how they lived. And it makes one wonder what their own life-book would look like, the words used to describe how one lived. I guess it has something to do with legacy and what we leave behind.

I had intended to visit the cemeteries all alone. To have the time and space to bawl my eyes out and really give into the grief I carry. This was not to be. Justin pulled right to the spots where my grandparents are buried (which it meant to much to me that he remembered, of course he did) and kept the girls occupied while I said my hellos and goodbyes. And as I turned back through the tears, I saw my family, my daughters, and I knew then I need not worry about what significant things I will be leaving behind me.